The Death Of Me

I fear the worst as I stare at you
Your lips working forming the words I know will cost me my breath.
Why did you have to fuck it all up?
Everything was running so smoothly.
I had you, you had me
We were as happy as could be.
The twinkle in your eyes betray my emotions
I cannot feel anything but dread as you utter those heavy words.
“I have started to think about you in ways I have not before. I want more, more emotion, more of the real you and less of the image you try to portray. No don’t look away. I mean every word I say.”
With agitation rimming my eyes I look and twist away.
I’m so afraid that you are playing with me
That I will once again be a fool before love’s door.
Will I fall too deep? Will I have sorrow to reap?
The roaring of my sadness engulfs me whole.
I had so hoped not to fall for you.
To fall for those enchanting eyes those sparkly white teeth.
Your unbearably dry humor.
The way you make me smile with just the lift of your eyebrow.
We were such good and close friends now I cannot even look at you or answer your calls.
How is it that I can feel alone when you aren’t near me? How is it that my heart longings for yours?
Have I already fallen so deep that I cannot see before me without you?
I’m so tired, so very tired of feeling empty
Yet
Can I honestly say that my emotions are in check?

I watch you pace and ponder and curse beneath your breath.
Unbeknownst I smile and twiddle my thumbs.
Should I give you the benefit of the doubt?
Should I kill the smoke of this depressing cloud?
I walk towards you and wrap my hands around your waist.
Rubbing my nose against your back I press closer to the heat of your soul.
Now I know that with you is where I belong
Forever together and always strong
And if down the road I am hurt
Then it would have been a privilege to know such pain.

So come into my heart and stay as long as you wish
For I am forever yours to hold love and cherish

To Be Defined By A Man

To be defined by a man.
Is to be defined by the devil.
You’re either to fat or to skinny.
Or maybe your legs aren’t fit for a mini.
Your skin will be too fair.
There’ll be something wrong with the length of your hair.
Dimples on your legs gosh that’s a disaster.
Look at those eyes look at those lips.
You’ll have to get some more snips.

To be defined by a man, is to have your spirit broken.
To have it twisted from your grasp and ripped from your body.
You’ll feel ashamed, you’ll feel ugly.
Like a queen with a paper crown.
Lifeless and unreal.
You’ll have to get yourself up before you drown.
Show him that you can live your life without a frown.

To be defined by a man, is a decision you can choose to make.
Don’t let him put you in a state where you have to fake.
Be yourself trust your heart.
Take the assholes head and use it as a dart.
He has no right to make you feel ugly.
He has no right to make you feel bad.

You are your own person.
Your own self-made man.
Put on those minis with dimples in your legs.
Love yourself become a fan.
You look beautiful people will stare.
Smile always laugh with tears.
You are the only one who can overcome your fears.

To be defined by a man, is a stupid justification.
To be defined by a man do not make it an
affirmation.!

Misguided

Rain drops falling on my windowsill
Tears of god washing down my pane
These tears will fill me with no shame.
You’ve been my beacon of light guiding me home, but tonight you’re the darkness confining me whole.

Where are the answers that I seek?
Underground are they? Lying at your feet.
Passion fulfils me
Knowing I love thee.

Pain, dear pain you’re making me insane.
Obvious to sadness what is your gain?
Kiss me quick!! Quick before I die.
With your lips in my memory will I not cry?

Colors I see but darkness waits
Primrose gardens, roses and violets too.
I’ll miss these beauties just because of you!

Take me home, home to another place.
Where people don’t know me, don’t know my face.
Will I ever see you?
That beauty in your heart
I will take you away, away in my cart.

What is a relationship built on lies?
You hated me? . .what a surprise!
I may not have known you felt this way.
How can I forget when in my heart it wants to stay?

Rain drops falling, falling like my tears.
What have I done to deserve these fears?
I hate you I love you I hate you back again.
What are these games? They bring me so much pain.

I may not have known may not have paid attention
But tonight I know!!
You my darling have no affection.

lustful love

Their lips mated with each other, every breath they took would grind and moan with longing. He ran his fingers through her long black locks twisting it around his fist and pulling, so her neck would be exposed. “Kiss me, kiss me there” a kiss so forbidden that when his lips touched her pulse, her knees gave way. He gripped her body and pressed it tightly against his, he felt every inch of her and his breath became ragged. “I cannot do without this, without touching you, wanting you, being inside of you. A mere second is too much without holding you. A ghra let me love you”. She stepped out of his arms and removed her clothing standing before him naked and wanting. Her hands moved down her body as she enticed him, rounding her breasts and pinching her nipples a pained moan escaped from her parted lips. As he watched her his hands clenched at his side restraining himself from touching her, moving to her so he could take what she so willingly wanted to give. She panted as her fingers drew near to her sex twisting and untwisting her thighs for she knew that he would be inside of her moving wetly inch by inch. “No more, no more of this torture.” He said he laid her softly onto the bed and pushed apart her legs kissing her slowly he pressed his hands on her thighs showing some of the violent need he felt. He growled as he reached her cunt and found it swollen and wet. Savagely he kissed her wetness and felt her quiver. Moaning she gripped his head between her legs and arched into him moving her hips restlessly. He sucked at her clitoris then moved lower and pierced her opening with his tongue in, out, in and out “yes. . . yes oh you make me so wild for you.” Thrashing on the bed her head turning from side to side she gave herself over to the feelings he evoked. Unashamed she arched into his hungry tongue and climaxed. “Enough!” she exclaimed moving upward he lay between her legs and ground against her sensitive sex. “Please . . . please I need to feel you.” She ripped his draw strings apart and shoved his pants down. His cock landed heavily in her hand gently she directed it to her entrance and gasped as his tip jutted inside of her. He tore her hand away and drove into her fast and hard. A scream so filled with passion tore from her lips and her body submitted. He cupped her buttocks and withdrew to the hilt then pounded swiftly once, twice. He crammed her full swiveling his hips he massaged her with the tip of his cock again he entered her ramming into her as she screamed and moaned his name. “I can feel you are close, touch me.” She gripped his hips and her nails dug into his flesh bowing up she put her legs tightly around him. His head tilted back as her nails scratched down his back scorching his skin with flames. Her toes curled as the orgasm rocketed through her body she gushed wetly as he thrusted manically finding his release as well.

My Worth

When your heart is tired and your faith numb.
When worlds collide and paths never cross
who can you turn to, to lead the way?
Who will pick you up when your bones are scattered across the floor?
My life has gone from sour to bitter
And I feel lost and betrayed.
So lost in my despair and despondency that the darkness
enveloping me feels like hope.
I cry and cry then gouge my eyes from its sockets.
When will it end?
When will it be done stripping me and breaking me to nothingness?
I feel weightless in this sea of loathing
and wish I could just disperse.
What will I become? How will I survive?
When all I have are brokenness and lies.

I cherish lose moments when the sun shone on my face.
When I had the comfort of knowing my fate.
I twist and turn in this restless abyss
that confines me to its walls.
I cannot escape
yet,
do I really want to?

If I cannot fix what is broken then all hope is lost.
What am I supposed to do? How am I to stay strong?
When every avenue I take rejects who I am.
It hurts so much and changed my attitude towards the world.
I know that in this world of war I will not last forever am I the sacrificial lamb?
Everyone’s welcome mat?

Help me, help me understand why I’ve been chosen
to be the fool for those who need an example!

I will fester and rot away
Never knowing the true meaning of my worth.

conflicting feelings

Conflicting feelings, feelings I have no right feeling.
You know I’m starting to think that I really have some kind of feelings for this guy
but, I’m also getting this off vibe from him.
That “You’re too clingy” vibe.
I’m not the clingy type yet, I find myself wondering
Where is he? Who is he with?
It’s so darn irritating and I’m so scared that I’ll lose him.
Do you see what I mean? CLINGY!!
So should I just avoid him until he forgets I’ve ever existed?
Come up with an argument maybe?
Problem is I need him, I’ve never needed anyone this much before
Well besides my mom.
Now I need him and it pisses me off, it hurts me.
I’m so afraid that he’s taking me for a fool.
That he has this whole other life when his not with me.
I mean “happiest when I receive a package” OUCH!
DON”T I MAKE YOU HAPPY?
It stung me to the bone when he said that.
Maybe I shouldn’t feel this way you know, maybe I’m not entitled to it.
I feel stripped bare this way.
Do I want to feel like this?
Is it worth feeling like I’m not wanted or needed or even loved! As a matter of fact.
But I love him, the Asshole.
Maybe I should forget about him and move on it would be better right?

So many questions and maybes and not enough answers.

__NIM CASTLE

A Cursed Future

How is it I can suffer for pain I have not yet felt?
To cringe and cry and whither for someone I won’t remember to forget.
I stare at the blue seamless sky.
and I darken from despair.
I sit in this tower behind lock and key
Above and beyond all, yet still I wish to be free.
Visions I see of futures past while my eyes slowly glaze over.
Moaning and huffing I search for your face.
In this crowded and endless dream.

I hurt when I see you lay with another and move beneath the sheets.
I see how virile and passionate you are.
As you groan and scream with pleasure.
I see him stiffen and raise his head as if he senses my presence.
Yet, he cannot know me cannot see my saddened eyes
for I am in the past and with struggle I quiet my cries.
With hatred I watch him kiss his woman and satisfies her needs.
I scream and rage inside myself and send up heartfelt pleas.

How can my spirit be bound to his if we are millions of years apart!
In my tower I welcome darkness as I banish him from my sight.
My soul roams the lonely seas
that crash and drown those who are lost.
I sit alone
on the cold winter stone.
Wishing he were here
to comfort and tease.
“I know who you are A ghra” says a voice so soft
and my lashes begin to flutter.
With hope in my heart I twist around and see him staring at me.

He reaches out to take my hand
and before I can comply,
another takes my place in his
and I sit there in denial.
He breaks me so and rips me slowly
without him even knowing.

This curse I endure
Is hatred so pure
that hardens my soul of souls.

Alone in my tower
I strengthen my power
Waiting for millennia to pass

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